Happy Thanksgiving! Unless you're as turkey, of course, cause then you'd really have nothing to be happy about... Or unless you don't live in the USA, cause then you probably have no frigging idea what Thanksgiving is, right? For those of you reading this who don't know what Thanksgiving is, let me help...

Americans are the only people throughout the world who think they have a right to be happy. The rest of the world is very much aware that our passage through this world can be compared to going through a vale of tears. Even more, Americans are also the only people throughout the world who actually have enough resources, gadgets, food, leisure time, liberties and other assorted goods that they should be happy. So once a year, Americans don't go in to work, cook a turkey and eat it, in theory giving thanks to whatever they believe in, or even just in general to the universe, for that which they have received in the past year. The rest of the year each and every American whines and moans about how cruel and unfair the world is, to deny them everything they desire, of which if even one thing is missing then there goes their chance to be happy.

Anyway, if Americans weren't whining all the time, then I'd be happy. Which would really piss me off, I guess. So let's say I'm thankful for that.

Met an 80 year old retired mobster today in the supermarket... Sucker had pics of himself with Gotti, Gravano, Big Paulie... Damn... Some of my heroes from years ago... Gotti retains a spot in my roster of heroes... Gravano is a rat and may he rot in prison, in the same way Gotti did as a result of Gravano's testimony... Oh, well... I'll keep in touch with my new friend... I could use some mob contacts these days...

Nice, moderate snowfall yesterday... I like snow... Must be my allegiance to those yearning for Fimbulvetr that makes me so upbeat during the winter months, especially when snow is involved. On the other hand, I had to put off a little trip I had planned and was looking forward to, so not all is perfect... Ah, well... Could be worse, I guess.

Oh, shit... Does this mean Sigourney isn't God???

From TIME Magazine (italics mine):

[TIME also reports that while filming the 1998 teen horror movie The Faculty in Austin, Texas, actor Elijah Wood met Internet movie critic Harry Knowles, who told him that Peter Jackson was planning to make Lord of the Rings. "Harry was, like, 'Dude, you have to be Frodo,'" says Wood. Jackson agreed. "He has an ability, more than anybody I've ever met, to convey exactly what he's feeling through his eyes," says the director. The third film, Wood says, "is the most tragic. People have no idea what they have coming."]
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Right... Because Tolkien is totally unknown and no one has ever read his Return of the King.... Is Wood a complete moron????

For shame...

Suffer the little children to come unto me...

Suppose you only recently found yourself in possession of a means of communicating with your past self. Suppose, furthermore, that you are at peace with the way you are right now, and would not want to change that which is you. At what point would a warning or advice sent to your past self be considered a massive enough change that the resulting new you would no longer be that which is you? Under what circumstances would one be justified in taking that risk? And would a future you be justified in meddling to tell that which is you to not meddle with your past self?

Maybe I'm asking too much... Maybe I just don't understand how shit's supposed to go down... Am I wrong in expecting that an asshole who is supposedly on call would not respond saying he's in his car, a good 40 miles away from being able to log on to the frigging network and give me a goddamned status on the godforsaken network? And then the stupid twit has the nerve to act as if I should've given him a pat on the back for calling back and letting us know that he had no idea what the problem was, nor would he be able to do anything for a good while?

And all that is just symptomatic of the way you all are bringing up your kids. God forbid anyone tells a child he did a bad job on something. Oh, no, that would totally screw up their self-esteem. You just have to tell them they excelled, no matter what sort of crappy work they turned in. Then they get out to the job market and they expect to be spraypainted with praise for simply showing up on the job every now and then. I swear, I just don't understand how the heck this country is still number one at anything. No work ethics, no culture, low intelligence, high inefficiency, mediocre training and a God be damned primadonna attitude.

One thing though... Come Hell or high water, I will tear that guy's manager a new asshole come Monday morning, see if I don't.

I had a startling dream... Set in the real world, if you know what I mean, so that at first it really wasn't apparent that it was a dream. And I am an adept when it comes to weaving my own dreams, manipulating them for recreational purposes or more importantly, for a magickal result. Which only made it stranger. The conclusion of the dream was the startling part, and I now have to wonder if it wasn't a truly prophetic dream... My on again off again proleptic abilities giving me advance warning of something so momentous, so cataclysmic, that it sent ripples through time... What if it is true? I'm going to have to do some subtle testing in the very near future, as well as get my hands on some serious, heavy weaponry, just in case...

For the next week or so, I've decided to practice Cargo Cult. Hmm... If I build an exact replica of Hugh Heffner's den, will it magically be populated with hot babes???

Good Gods! I haven't blogged anything today!!!! A pox on the FY04 budget for denying me this privilege!

I have never, ever bought Kikkoman products... And I am usually never, ever swayed by publicity... But this piece of advertising is just too good. To show my gratefulness for a nice publicity experience, I will buy a Kikkoman product on my way home tonight... I urge you to do likewise... Must obey... Must obey...

Trust Americans to naturally gravitate towards anything, so long as it's in bad taste....

I am off... I haven't read anywhere that magickal enterprises are favored by being done under the Leonids, but then again, I haven't read that they're not favored, either... lol Here's to good weather for tonight! *raising glass, departs*

Oooh... I love it when some of my handiwork comes to light, centuries later...

I have made a decision of sorts. My current employer is so clueless, anal-retentive, bureaucratic and inept that I've become totally soured on IT. It may be decades before the prospect of working in Information Technology becomes appealing to me again. While I decide what I want to do next I will, of course, continue to hold my current position, the salary being, while by no means astounding, at least sufficient for my current expenses.

One of the many advantages of not being an ephemeral is that one accumulates a massive amount of knowledge and expertise in a wide array of fields, so I should have a broad arena of choices. But come now, I'm being selfish and overbearing... I'll shut up now and listen to any suggestions, so feel free to send them my way...

I know several people who should patronize this restaurant:

Lords have mercy on us! Hilariously scary product here.

Here we have incontrovertible proof that most of womenkind's ills may be traced back to dick insufficiency.... Which explains a lot, when you start thinking about it...

Goodbye, my friend... I hope it really was what you wanted. It will be a sadder place without you, and I hope to see you soon. I could use some tequila, and is Betsy still there????

The Chinese piss me off. First they start making better cars than we do, and now I hear they're improving on women??? The nerve...

I'm looking for a link, but I heard on the radio this morning that one in a thousand Chinese women is born with two (2!!!) vaginas. Guess my next vacation will be in the Far East...

Scenario.

1. Customer requests a certain feature of the network operating system be activated.
2. A month passes.
3. Customer is advised that for this to not be a problem, client software on each of the users' PCs must be updated to latest version. This is simply a matter of running an installer, but it is beyond the scope of our contract, so customer's IT staff must do this.
4. Yet another month passes.
5. Customer states all client updates done.
6. And yet another month passes.
7. And more time passes.
8. For this delay, and many other alleged reasons, my esteemed predecessor is shown the door, and I get the job.
9. Yet more time passes while I acquaint myself with the environment.
A. (Yes, I'm numbering in hex, deal with it) Customer brings the whole original request and history to my attention.
B. I ask, has the client software been updated on all machines? I am told yes. I ask again. Still yes. I ask other people. Definitely yes. All according to customer.
C. I have my people plan and test, which takes a few weeks.
D. I activate new feature on server. All hell breaks loose. Why? Because the client software wasn't updated!
E. Meeting with customer today @ 14:30. Should be amusing.

I used to think Jackass was the stupidest excuse for a television show (and movie now) possible without fundamentally changing the inmutable laws which define our universe... I have been forced to reconsider. A show (and movie) that is helping humanity weed out the imbeciles can't be all bad...

No matter how many years pass, we are always a product of our origins. Americans will always be a product of England, and this will be evidenced in many, many ways... Where Americans differ is that we're not so decadent as the British. We are more, how should I say it? Hetero! LOL Take Bill Clinton. What he did with Monica Lewinsky can be paralleled with this little tidbit...

Seriously now... What is it with the British upper class and buggery????

A bottle of very dry red wine... A good supply of peppered goat's cheese... Some crackers... Bliss!

Just like Nortel Networks (NYSE:NT), which has traded above a dollar for weeks now and seems to be poised for the recovery I had forecast, my stock seems to have regained somewhat of its erstwhile value and has been relisted. And I see that it's currently at 93!

You just gotta love Colombia! You gotta!!! Go steal a loaf of bread because your children are starving and you're likely to be executed on the spot by the police. At the least, you can expect 20 to 30 years of hard time at a pound-me-in-the-ass penitentiary. Now go be a top notch drug dealer responsible for uncounted deaths, corruption at every level you care to look at within the government (they put a recent president in office) and the armed forces (they owned the police in Cali, Colombia), and the shipment of tons upon tons of cocaine to the USA, and you're certain to be released within 7 years, all debts to society paid, and the jail time was in a posh hotel by comparison. LMAO You rock, Mr. Rodríguez. Let me know if you're hiring, okay?

We should nuke Argentina and Paraguay!!! Not Brazil, though... The chicks are just too delicious and ravishingly beautiful, and at very reasonable prices...

I've interacted with one New Mexican, so it comes as no surprise to me that an outbreak of the Black Death has been traced back to NM. We should give the whole state back to Mexico and good riddance.

Some people are natural born assholes. Others are cooperative team players. Others are paranoid micromanagers. Others are helpful colleagues.

And I am all of those and many more, depending on the situation. Why is that so hard to understand for the current crop of screwups? If you screw up and make us look bad I will be on your ass with a vengeance if the bungling was a result of your disobeying my instructions or doing anything else outrageously stupid. If it was just one of those things I will do my best to help you out and will readily admit to the fault collectively in front of the customer, apologizing and promising a fix. If you consistently screw up because of incompetence, I will micromanage you till you are bored and quit, or you prove to me that you should be trusted once more. If you show a willingness to learn, I will do my best to mentor you, or will get you a proper mentor when the area of expertise is outside my own.

It amazes me that a few people expect me to be consistently in one of the aforementioned roles, and not to drift. How monotonous their lives must be if they always react the same way regardless of the circumstances...

The customer is always right my ass!

Note: The above has been as much of a rant as I'm willing to make right now. I reserve the right to elaborate on what utter morons comprise the bulk of my current "customer" at a later time.

The greatest problem that comes with having so much power and wisdom is that other people tend to think one is infallible. Thus they tend to assume one understands everything effortlessly. While that is oftentimes the case, I can still be puzzled and astounded by things pertaining to the human condition. It is then dangerous to assume that I understand anything that has to do with all those emotions that define the average human, not to speak of the actions they cause. Think of me more as a functional psychotic. And I can understand explanations on the aforementioned subjects, from a clinical perspective, at least. Even if I will never quite grasp them...

In a small terrarium, in a small pet store, in a small mall, out in the boonies, Pennsylvania, this weekend I saw something of the amphibian persuasion cutely labeled as a Pacman Frog. Now, contrariwise to most of the population, I can actually recall a time when there was no Pacman. This not even going into the fact that most of today's young population doesn't even know what Pacman was. Anyway, lest I digress even further. I understand where the frog got its name. What tickled my curiousity was this: What the hell did they call it before there was a Pacman to name it after??? It's not a newly discovered creature. Why change a creature's name at all??? And a quick search on the internet proves that Pacman Frog is now their commonly accepted name, too...

Hmmm... Just like a stock which has traded below a dollar for the past 30 days, I have been delisted. Yes, I was listed somewhere and now I am not. How pathetisad, to steal a particularly apt term...

And so the search goes on... I am sure that one day, no matter how far into the future, I will find that which I seek, that which was promised to me so long ago... My Sophia...

Dear Abby,

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month.
My fiancée's mother is not only very attractive but really great and
understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited
me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a
bit beyond what we had expected it to be.

When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to
just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month
I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted
to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bed-
room and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I
wanted to leave.

I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew
exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the
front door.

There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law
to be.

He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I
was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his
hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Abby, should I tell my fiancée what her parents did, and that I
thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?

Or...

Should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the
reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things...

Then you are probably the family dog.