I am bored. I can understand the old saying that "the Devil finds work for idle hands", or however it goes. I'd just change idle to bored in that saying. Idle doesn't fit because I actually have a lot of stuff to do, but it bores me spitless given it's all so pointless and absurd. And that's when I start to get these ideas which would be so amusing to carry out, but which would certainly be bad for business. Then I point out to myself that the business isn't mine, and I'm really not happy with my job so I, now and then, go ahead and execute one of these dangerously amusing ideas.

Then the universe, just to be capricious and senseless, makes everyone else consider it an act of brilliance and I get praised for it.

I hate my job.

I heard this song today... Gotta say, I hate the genre, but the song just cracked me up...

I heard this little gem on the radio this morning:

[The New York Times quoted Lt. Gen. William Wallace, the commander of V Corps, as saying, "The enemy we're fighting is different from the one we'd war-gamed against, because of the paramilitary forces. We knew they were here, but we did not know how they would fight." "War-gamed" is a phrase for military planning.]

Full article available here.

So let's get this straight. In all the simulations, war games, etc. that our Armed Forces (you know, those folks that are in charge of protecting us) used to prepare for Bush's Folly, no one thought to program the simulated Iraqis to actually shoot back at our men?

What the hell does the Pentagon use as a simulator these days, Duke Nukem?

I heard Tony Blair on the news today. He was pretty upset over the Iraqis having (supposedly) executed some POWs. If that's true, I'm prepared to be pretty upset, too. Goddamn Iraqis! How the hell would someone even consider executing a prisoner of war??

We'd certainly never do that... ::cough::Nuremberg::cough::

Heh. We blew up a bunch of civilians in Iraq... And the Pentagon has denied it, which obviously means it's true... Awesome! It's like a videogame, but for adults!!!

This would make a great Verizon commercial:

There are no easy victories in any war. There is no pushover army anywhere in the world. And strategy (or lack thereof) will always be a factor to be taken into account in any conflict. Recent events prove that our commanding officers might serve the country better were they forced to read the Go Rin No Sho, can someone please gift them with some copies of it? Make them understand that overwhelming force is only a plus if you're prepared to use it with total disregard to any niceties. If you're actually forced to send in men, helicopters, tanks, airplanes and the like, well, you're going to suffer losses.

Last but not least, let's not handle a war as if it were the latest hit movie. Let's tell the public that there are rare happy endings in real life, and that war is always messy. Let's have more articles like this one instead of the pompous press conferences CentCom is hosting daily. Let's face reality.

I regret to inform the 16 of you that I will be on forced vacation this week. I'll still be online, now and then, but I will not have that glorious inspiration that laboring for a stupid and clueless company provides me with, and which is a key source of the cynicism and acerbic wit you have all come to love, or at least, tolerate.

All Hail the Lord Kalki! May endless presents be showered upon his Lotus Feet....

Iran is stating that Allied bombing hit one of their oil fields by mistake. And they're pissed about it. Looking at CNN and BBC, I can't see anything about that, not even a brief blurb with a denial. Censorship, anyone?

Some wild-eyed, incoherent camel-humper interviewed on the streets in Syria raised a perfectly valid point, which will be totally ignored by everyone who heard it solely on the basis of who was mouthing it:

Your current attack on Iraq is hypocritical when contrasted with your absolute inaction when it comes to Israel's frequent massacre of Palestines and refusal to abandon the so called 'settlements'. This will create a megaterrorist* in every Arab village.

I feel this is true. One can only brandish massive power against other people and have a chance of not facing unpleasant consequences down the road if one has not only might, but right, on one's side. And part of that is being impartial. We have never been impartial in the Middle East since the creation of Israel, and that will always come back to haunt us. I fear we will soon learn the Israeli Lesson. No matter how superior our firepower is, it can't protect against someone willing to die to get at us. This is one of the few times in my life that I hope I am wrong.

* He actually used the well-known name of the head of a terrorist group who is being hunted by our security forces, I replaced the name in the text above to avoid unwanted hits from search engines.

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if this was based on a true event LOL:

They were such fine, strapping boys when they were growing up... Not a mean bone in 'em... When did they go wrong???

Just because everyone asked... Well, not really... But one person did ask...

Re my prior post on surpassing Crowley, it happened this way... I was driving along on my way to work and I got off the interstate highway I use for about half of my commute, took the proper exit and came out on a small highway, still two lanes at that point. About half a mile ahead, the 2 lanes converge into one. About halfway between my car and the point where the highway became a single lane was a long truck, one of those that carry containers. I figured I had a good chance of overtaking it, passing it, and so not be forced to spend the next 4 miles plodding along behind it. I stepped on it. 80mph. I caught up to it with only enough room to squeak on by it, and that if I increased my mph to 90, which I did.

For a brief instant, I'm alongside it. I turn my head to the right to get a good look at it. Printed out on its side, in humongous letters...

CROWLEY

I was so surprised I forgot I was on a tight schedule there, almost crashing into oncoming traffic.

But it was an omen... I had to push myself to the limit, it was a huge risk, but I overtook and passed Crowley, even if just barely...

Today I surpassed Crowley!!! Blessed Beast!!!!

Elizabeth Smart has reappeared after 9 months!!!! Hmmm... 9 months.... Isn't that how long a pregnancy lasts, usually? Weird, huh?

Take Tom Petty's latest hit, "The Last DJ", and replace the word DJ in the lyrics with my job title. That would be an uncannily accurate description of what I do and the reaction I get from the customer and my upper management.

Pissing people off has become my mission here, and I'm excelling at it, all while staying within my contractual obligations. It's fun.

It must be so satisfying to tell the customer to go f*ck themselves... I envy her. I'll have to fire her, of course, but that instant of infinite satisfaction she must have felt as she said it was probably worth that and more, to her...

Anybody want an entry level IT job?

This is plain sick. I think I'll order some...

Nice to know some public servants still have a modicum of self-respect and honor. Here's one honest man's letter of resignation.

Let's be clear, I think Saddam is a dictator, that he's insane, that he oppresses his subjects and that he'd cheerfully blow us to kingdom come if he could. And I really want to emphasize the 'if he could' part of that last statement. I seriously doubt he's in such a position, and I seriously doubt he's going to get there anytime soon. And each time someone asks the Bush administration for their reasons behind starting a war against Iraq, the usual answer is September 11. What the flying fuck did Saddam have to do with September 11? Is Bush unaware that Saddam and Osama are two different people? Does he think Saddam and Osama are like Clark Kent and Superman?

On a positive note, listening to Bush's speech last Thursday, it sounded as if someone had finally taught him how to pronounce the word 'nuclear'. Although I can't be 100 percent sure, since everytime he said it, his voice would lower significantly, as if he was unsure of how it was supposed to be pronounced. Which is orders of magnitude better than what he used to do before, proudly and loudly saying, 'nukular' for all the world to laugh at.

The English language aside, I'm certain that it will take future U.S. leaders decades to undo the damage this poor, benighted bumpkin has managed to cause in the two long years we've had to put up with him. And still almost two full years to go... Let's hope the Union is strong enough to resist. I don't mean to frighten anyone unduly, but he looks so much like Nero when the light hits him just right...

Last night I went to an all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet place, 11 bucks. I totally ignored the beef, chicken and pork sections, barely sampled some of the better prepared seafood dishes and totally pigged out on crabs' legs. I would just go up to the serving area, plop every single crab leg there was on to my plate, and head off cheerfully to my table to eat. So soothing to crack open the crabs' legs with the little walnut cracker... Almost like torture... I made more than ten trips for more crabs' legs, all told. I kept expecting an inscrutable, old, chinese gentleman to tap me on the shoulder, return my 11 bucks, and ask me to move on, but no. Despite many evil looks, I was left alone. I must go back soon.

Last night was this season's first Formula 1 race. Very unlucky afternoon for most of the favorites, and a very lucky one for Coulthard who took advantage of everyone else's bad luck to pull a win out of thin air. A shame about Rubens Barichello, and it was comforting to see Schumacher's (Michael, not Ralf) car start to disintegrate. Hopefully the rest of the season will be as good, and we won't have the bad showings we saw last year.

This post has been censored by the Dept. of State for having a contrary opinion to that held by our head of state, President Bush.

I'm becoming very upset about this. It seems I only get invited to all the boring protests. The ones with the ugly, clothed women... I want to go to these!!!

I am about to die laughing... I was just sent a corporate presentation, a very high level view of what my employer plans to do in the next fiscal year. One of the plans is to build up employee satisfaction to a level where "top quality people will be proud to work here". Goddamn, I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard...

To the 16 or so of you who read this... If I ever say I'm proud to work for my current employer, I authorize you to shoot me...

I hate Brazilians... Having their Carnaval right now... Without me...

Happy birthday, darling daughter... Daddy loves...

Going through my health insurance company's website, I came across a survey that rates you, according to a criteria developed in the 1970s, for depression. It's a nifty little 30 question survey, with everything you'd expect to be asked, if you apply some commonsense, in order to determine if you're depressed or not. I took it, just for the hell of it... And as I expected, I'm inconclusive. I'm not too big on good emotions... Anyway...

That's when it struck me... The IDEA!!!! I can create a website dealing exclusively with clinical depression. I can then put my own survey there, but mine will have at least a hundred questions. And then when the respondent clicks Submit, I'll just close the browser window. That'll teach them to go do something productive instead of wondering if they're depressed or not, huh? LMAO

Well, that certainly cheered me up...

I'm lagging on several projects, some work related, others personal. Too many commitments have made time a precious and dwindling commodity when before it seemed to be an endless sea...

I am nearing the end of several high profile upgrades on the computing and network infrastructure at work, all due by end of March with penalties attached for any delays. A mainly untrained and formerly unempowered team has made my job more difficult, as I am having to track a lot of details that I was used to delegating. My team has slowly but surely started to gain more confidence, but they're still not at a level where I can safely let them handle the project management tasks. Once I deliver on the current batch of commitments, I should be able to throttle down some, and concentrate on elevating my team to the next level. I used to be able to relax completely and fool around all day, taking my turn at the helm only during emergency situations. I miss my old team.

All of the aforementioned has made me set aside a lot of personal projects, some mundane, others mystical, and that must change, especially on the latter. Power weakens if left unused too long.

93!