Foku

Oh, bother. Where the hell did I put my bottle of newt's eye?

More stupidity

One of my managers at work, the one I work more closely with since he's on site, asked me a week ago to set up a team and review the performance of a certain system. It seems that it wasn't performing anywhere near as efficient as the specs had led us to believe before we installed it.

I shot an email to the person in charge of the team that handles that sort of stuff, asking him to pull something together, hopefully with the vendor involved for good measure. I hadn't followed up since the customer always complains about performance, mainly because they're always too cheap to assign the proper resources and things run slow as a result.

Also, a bit of history, some 6 months back the customer 'insourced' the network part of the contract. An area that had been a mess when we took it over 7 years ago, and which we then converted into something more or less reliable, despite the constraints set by the customer's stingy nature.

Today someone forwarded me some network statistics on how long it takes to reach that particular system over the network from the remote site. The result was way up there in the thousands of milliseconds. That's full seconds for those of you technologically challenged. When it takes you more than 300 milliseconds to get from one end of the planet to the other, you have serious issues. And the customer's complaining about performance. Ha! Damn well right your performance is going to be crappy, if it takes seconds to reach that box. Good thing I didn't prioritize that request to look at the performance, or else I'd have wasted a lot of people's time.

I am going to have so much fun with this in my next status meeting with the customer. I have to admit, I love making them look stupid, but for the past 8 or so months they've been way ahead of me. They are looking stupid without requiring anyone's help.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, the network people they hire keep on quitting. Two of them actually quit before starting to work. They signed the contract, probably heard some really bad shit about them, and then just decided to call and say they'd changed their minds. In a recent meeting they asked me if I could bring in the person from my company that used to handle their network, just to assist. I politely said fuck you. I am very polite.

Magick and its ways

There are several different kinds of magick, all perfectly valid and conforming to the scientific method if one keeps an open mind and is willing to follow instructions. For those in the audience having had the misfortune of being educated in the U.S., I'll go through the scientific method for you, since I am sure it's unfamiliar. The following, in italics, I lifted from this site:

The scientific method has 4 steps:

1. Observation and description of a phenomenon or group of phenomena.

2. Formulation of an hypothesis to explain the phenomena. In physics, the hypothesis often takes the form of a causal mechanism or a mathematical relation.

3. Use of the hypothesis to predict the existence of other phenomena, or to predict quantitatively the results of new observations.

4. Performance of experimental tests of the predictions by several independent experimenters and properly performed experiments.

If the experiments bear out the hypothesis it may come to be regarded as a theory or law of nature (more on the concepts of hypothesis, model, theory and law below). If the experiments do not bear out the hypothesis, it must be rejected or modified. What is key in the description of the scientific method just given is the predictive power (the ability to get more out of the theory than you put in; see Barrow, 1991) of the hypothesis or theory, as tested by experiment. It is often said in science that theories can never be proved, only disproved. There is always the possibility that a new observation or a new experiment will conflict with a long-standing theory.

If people weren't so quick to dismiss magick nowadays, they could easily verify its effectiveness. Now, there are many 'dead' to magick since they have no power of their own and a natural block against funneling it from outside sources. Let us say that they don't possess the catalyst that starts the reaction. But that still does not invalidate the reality of it all.

Back to my original point, on the several kinds of magick, one of my favorites is binding power to an object. Most will recognize this as the practice of creating a talisman. One chooses an object, one of a material receptive to the power one wishes to bind to it. I usually use silver as it complements my nature and powers. One then carries it around on one's person during the execution of an ordeal (this is one way, there are many, a sacrifice will work, too). Lastly, one carries out a ritual designed to focus the power required and bind it to the object. The talisman will then function as a passive magickal device, say, as defensive magick, or it can be used actively, too, releasing the power in a single shot or gradually, upon command.

I've got an object already primed after an ordeal. I'll have to schedule a proper time for the necessary ritual now.

Firefighter, certifiable. Certified! I meant certified!

I apologize for my absence. I was in the process of attaining a couple of firefighter certifications. My first two on what will probably be a lengthy road. This past weekend involved 16+ hours of running into and out of a burning building, extending and setting up ladders, climbing up ladders, hauling hose both on the ground as well as up ladders, crawling in a smoke filled environment with SCBA gear on, dragging out heavy dummies (and a few heavy people that collapsed), packing hose, operating pumps and other niceties. All this at a state certified fireground where some pretty knowledgeable old-timers train the new crop of firefighters.

A few there probably shouldn't have been allowed that far. There are a couple that really didn't learn the basics and were clueless on the fireground during this weekend's live burn. They're a danger to themselves as well as to their teammates. I'm glad none of them are in my area, but I feel sorry for those unlucky enough to serve with them, as well as the poor fools who might be trapped in a fire and have those guys respond.

I'm pretty proud of myself. The work this weekend wasn't light at all, and younger people had to be dragged out, one of them in an ambulance. I made it through the whole thing, and even did extra 'evolutions', our term for exercises, as a replacement in the teams of those who had a person missing. That means that a couple of times, instead of resting and replenishing body fluids, I was asked if I felt good enough to actually do the same exercise again, so another team could rotate in.

I also learned that classroom work is good and has value, but it does not compare to going out and doing the stuff. I really learned how to use all the equipment, which will probably stand me in good stead when I have to go into a real situation.

Here are some nice pictures of me (in the yellow helmet, face covered with airmask) and some of my buddies during this weekend's training session. The final two pics are of the building used. This is a solid building full of empty rooms and stairs, with gas burners placed strategically. It's filled with smoke (harmless fog machine type of stuff) so that you can't see beyond your nose, and they'll turn those burners on. 800 degrees easily. Don't even ask what scale, at that temperature, it doesn't matter much. Your gear and your wits will be the only thing protecting you in a situation like that. If water is applied correctly, you can put those burners out. Otherwise, you're screwed.

I've never had so much fun in my life...

PA's newest fireman

I took my firefighter test last night. Well, we all did, the whole class. It's the final test in order to get that first certification, the one that officially allows your Chief to send you into hazardous situations, like the inside of a burning building.

The test wasn't too hard, nor was it too easy. I am proud to inform all of you (whoever you are) that I am one of Pennsylvania's newest, official firefighters as of 10pm last night.

Now, seriously, doesn't that scare some of you, somewhat?

I think I'll rest a few weeks and then enroll in whatever advanced course opens up around then. I want to get some more certifications. Learning new stuff is always good, and being in dangerous situations is exhilarating. To me, at any rate.

For those newer readers, I've been a volunteer firefighter for a bit less than a year now, and it's been loads of fun. But I only do that when an alert goes out and I happen to be home, which is a minute from the fire station. Rest of the time I hold a more or less senior position at a multinational IT company.

And then there's the nights... On most nights I indulge in more arcane pursuits... Necromancy is but one of them...

Honored, and touched

Throughout my existence, I have received many acknowledgements for my deeds. I have been awarded medals, and Knighthood was bestowed upon me more than once. I have also been adopted by different clans, most recently by one that is still considered legend in their homeland of Japan. All these people wanted, at those different points in time, to make me feel like one of them, and for a time, it worked.

All that paled today when I was accepted into the tribe of Cats. Despite there being two unneutered male cats in residence, the female cat 'presented' to me. I guess she not only considers me to be a cat, but also to be the dominant cat around here. Truth be told, I've always felt catlike. I had to explain to the poor dear that I am not really a cat, and furthermore, not romantically interested in her. Gently, of course, I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Weekend entertainment

Cruising the backroads I saw a sign advertising some group called "10 Years Gone" that was going to perform that night at a nearby bar. "Classic Rock" was also mentioned. What the hell, I said...

I made some calls to see who was interested, and got a few uncertain commitments. In the end, only 3 of us actually made it. The place had reasonably priced beer going for it, as well as a pinball machine. There was something strange going on, though. The parking lot had 30 cars, easily. There weren't more than 10 people inside the place. Someday soon I'm going to take a long novel, and just park outside from midafternoon onwards, and see who parks and where they go. Wouldn't surprise me to find yet another Illuminati nest, or even just a plain, old, S/M dungeon.

We drank some beer and chewed the fat while we waited for the band to set up and start. When they did, we picked up our beers and went downstairs, the gig being in a sort of basement room they had. Besides the waitresses and a couple of friends of theirs, we were the only ones listening to the band. They were crappy as sin, too. They were doing covers of songs from the 60's onwards. Lots of Beatles, America, Zeppelin and the like. I started shouting out requests, while at the same time laughing my ass off with my crew. This band was so awful that they were a joy to behold. 24 hours later, one of those with me was still laughing about it and telling another friend who had demurred that he'd missed a very funny spectacle.

And the chase begins...

Few things are as exhilarating as going after a wild goose. They're delicious animals, for one, and free. Well, until one factors in the expense of the equipment, plus the time and effort.

I wonder if I'll catch this one. I wonder if it's even there. I hope it is.

Walpurgisnacht aftermath

As usual, after a successful Walpurgisnacht, and they're all successful for me, I am bloated with power. I honestly feel as if I were intoxicated on some mind altering substance or other.

There's a couple of spells I've been meaning to try out, and I guess I will do so shortly. Would be a shame to waste the power I accumulated by simply not putting it to any use and having it 'leak' out.

Had one hell of a thunderstorm last night, along with a power outage. We were out for a while controlling traffic (this was me in my Fireman guise, in case you were wondering) as the one traffic light in town was down for the count. I rarely feel as alive, as vibrant, as when I'm in the dark, in the middle of a storm, with lightning flashing all around. It was all I could do to keep quiet and not shout out with glee. I figured my fellow firefighters might have looked askance at me.

My mundane activities have taken a toll on my arcane side, more's the pity. But I am set to finish a particularly intense training course in a couple of weeks, and half of my job will go away pretty soon, too. That should give me some of my time back. At least for a bit, as there's another contract due to be signed and I've been told I'm 'it'. That, or another opportunity that's been hovering might yield results.

There's also something I need to investigate, which will require some fieldwork. I need to make the time for that, as well.

And rest. I need rest. Even Jove must nod, now and then...

Reality Shows for those with no reality of their own

As mankind becomes more and more a decadent race unwilling to invest any effort in advancing knowledge, or even gaining new experiences, we'll see vicarious living on the rise. The fairly recent love affair between people and these absolutely pointless and incredibly stupid reality shows is a sign of this. Another sign is the large number of people who seem to spend all day reading, posting and replying on different special interest fora on the 'net. Both groups seem to have precious little life outside their fora or reality shows. I assume there are fora dedicated to reality shows, and those spending all their time there must be a special breed indeed.

One definitely cannot do everything, I'd be the first to admit. I have my own special interests that I read about, and frequent online information sources in order to advance my knowledge. But one must do something. Anything. How can some people have a life that just revolves around the couch and the computer? What did they do before Reality TV came along?

I think the race is splitting up as we watch, much like Wells envisioned in the Time Machine. Eloi and Morlocks. Bystanders and doers. At some point, we'll probably be unable to interbreed and become distinct species.

The funny thing about these folks is how authoritative they'll sound, as if what they're doing had any possible worth to humanity, or even to themselves. A sad ending for a race that had such promise.

Although, mayhaps, the 'doer' component of the split humanity will continue to advance and fulfill the promise.

We apologize for the inconvenience...

Dear Asshole,

Thanks for complaining about the noise. You should really have considered the possibility of having loud noises in front of your house at strange hours of the night before you decided to live in the house directly in front of the Firehouse Engine Bays.

Now that we know you dislike loud noises, we'll make sure not to respond to any fire at your house if there's the slightest chance that you might be resting.

We unfortunately cannot comply when it comes to other people's property or lives being at risk and will continue to make as much fucking noise as we have to whenever we get called out. At least, until such a time as the rest of the community lets us know that they feel the same way you do.

Best Regards,

Nicholas & the rest of the Firemen

P.S. No, we didn't have to test the firehouse siren at 3am, exactly half an hour after you called. We just felt like it.

I've never said I'm better than anyone else when it comes to morality. Really. I may consider myself superior to the rest of the Universe in ways all my own, some of them categories that others might not even know exist, much less care about, but I care, which is really all that matters.

Like I said, morality is an area where I have never even hinted at holding the ultimate answers. I shy away from it in conversation, changing the subject quickly to less thorny subjects such as DVDA, or gay marriage, or even politics. I do have morals, or standards, if you will, and I adhere to them. They might not make sense to anyone but me, but I am true to them, and to myself, and am content therefore. They were never taught formally to me, although I may have picked up one or two by seeing others' behavior. Usually from someone sort of like what the Hare Krsnas call a Vaisnava, one who teaches/preaches by example. Others I arrived at on my own, after giving much thought to a particular situation. In this I was especially assisted by my permanent immersion in Thelema, whose basic tenet is "Do as thou wilt". And only fools see that statement as being hedonistic or anarchic. Still other behavior of mine which might fit under the moral definition is instinctive. I do what feels right. My actions arising from this final category might often be difficult for me to explain, at least, if you press me for an explanation immediately. Given time to think and analyze what I do, I will often come up with a perfectly rational explanation, sometimes surprising even myself, as when I acted I had no idea of the whys or wherefores.

Still, I'd be the first to admit that my 'morality' is neither perfect nor absolute, and as such, I rarely, if ever, go around preaching to others on what they should do or the errors of their ways. I especially try never to fall close to the Devil's Dictionary's definition of a Christian. Not that I belong to that faith, but it usually applies across theological boundaries. That definition is as follows:

One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Not too long ago I received a sermon from a well-meaning acquaintance regarding honesty. This acquaintance was livid due to a perceived breach on my part towards a person or entity that had nothing whatsoever to do with this acquaintance. He went on to explain how he would never do something like this. Moreso, how having lived for years in another country with even higher standards than the US, that would be unthinkable. And yada yada yada, for about 10 minutes more. Now, I do respect this person somewhat, so I didn't tell him where he could shove it, as I'd usually have done. The respect I feel for him required me to listen. I could even understand his position, though I didn't share it.

After his spiel, and his subsequent halfway apology for going off like that, I asked him how he would like payment for an article I was thinking of purchasing. His answer? "Oh, cash would be better, that way I won't have to declare it in my income or pay taxes on it."

Isn't it lovely how to most people morals, especially those surrounding honesty, never seem to apply to them?

As predicted, there's a fair amount of churn going on these days within my employer's customer base. The whole outsourcing paradigm is being questioned these days, as companies realize that even if they save a few bucks here and there initially, by surrendering the operation of an area to another company, they also lose complete control over the quality, dedication and timeliness of the service/product being outsourced. When it comes to IT, that can be very dangerous for a company. Too much, these days, depends on the quality of your information, which in turn depends on the quality and availability of your IT infrastructure. You can have the best information in the world, but if it's sitting on a server you can't reach because the network is down, then your competitors will beat you every time, even if they do have access to only second-best info.

Now, if on top of that you add a company like my employer, who is frequently in the [IT] news for treating employees like shit, except for the CEO and his crew, of course. In 3 years with this company I have had only one company paid training, and that one was on internal procedures. I shouldn't complain about that, though, as I'm in a minority there. Most people haven't received even that sort of training. We are also required to work unreasonable hours, with no extra pay or compensation involved. We've fired so many people that we are spread dangerously thin, all in the name of profit and the ever holier bottomline, and situations arise daily where service levels are missed because there wasn't anyone free to take on a problem. The customer's still being charged as if we had a full crew, of course, and they never understand why things are failing. Nor can you come out and tell them that the reason is because they're sharing resources with 20 other companies, instead of having dedicated people in positions that require it. Some resources can and should be shared, no question about it. Others shouldn't be. And my employers know the difference perfectly well, but they prefer to take the risk. In the end, if things fail it's not their business going down the drain. It's not their shareholders that'll lose money. At most, they'll lose a contract here and there, and there's a sucker born every minute, so they'll be replaced all too soon.

That last process, losing customers but replacing them with new ones, is what's called churn, in management lexicon. A term I used at the start of this post and which, in retrospect, I see I should have explained.

My former employer, and one of the best companies I've ever worked for, is part of that churn right now. They'll be taking back a good chunk of the areas they outsourced back in-house come July. They've finally seen the light. Too bad they saw it a tad too late. Most of their best folks, those they spent millions of dollars training to be even better than when they first signed on, are long gone. This company doesn't take kindly to good workers since good workers tend to be demanding. Only those of us skilled both at our jobs as well as in Machiavellian politics are still around. Now my former employer will have to start from the ground up again as regards building their IT department, since they won't be able to recover all of the folks they misguidedly outsourced to the company I work for.

I've already been contacted by the way. I'm waiting to see what sort of job offer they'll send. I don't want to move, though, and they don't have a whole lot in my area. There is a good chance of getting a position that can be done remotely. And if the offer is good enough, I may even reconsider my stance on relocating.

The main reason I've never opted for deification is the huge responsibility that would entail. While I do consider myself to be someone who keeps his shit together while at the same time refusing to take everything seriously (and you tell me if that's not a requirement for the job), I do enjoy the relative freedom involved by knowing that if and when I screw up, the consequences won't be earthshattering.

Maybe Godhood is sort of like public office in a democracy. Those most suited for the job are precisely those who'll be disgusted by the process and refuse to have anything to do with it. That would go a long way towards explaining away the sort of Gods humanity has been stuck with. I mean, really, take a look at them, and I'm just going to highlight the first ones that pop into my mind. You can come up with examples galore if you wish to on your won...

Zeus and crew: Hah! These guys made Clinton look like Mother Theresa. Zeus would hump a knot in a tree if he could, with the interesting side effect that each 'affair' usually resulted in a demigod or two being born. And most of the male Gods shared Zeus' proclivity for the female flesh. The fair sex among the Greek pantheon were hardly better, but can you blame them? They had to get some somewhere, since the boys were busy screwing everything from swans to beetles. The only ones that didn't seem to give Greek Gods the hots were Greek Goddesses!

YHVH: What a whiner, and plainly suffering from polar disorder. Pray to me and only to me or I will blot you from the face of the Earth! I will send plagues! I will flood the land! Get out of my garden!!! Don't kill anyone, I command you not to! Um, kill these tribes now! I command you to!

Trimurti et al: Pretty colorful gang, I have to admit. Much better trinity than a newer religion would later come up with. I have to admit I like that whole Creator / Preserver / Destroyer thing. Of course, I'm prejudiced. When I pray, I mostly do so to my Lady, Kali, She of the Necklace of Skulls. I am so in love with Her... Bless this Thugee, my Queen... Also, you have to admit, some of the more inspired and entertaining religious writings came out of this pantheon's followers. 5 stars!

Jehovah & Son, Inc.: If you disagree on giving this crew a separate entry from YHVH's, then go elsewhere. You're too deluded to even be on the web, much less on this page. Nobody turns into a sweet, forgiving, understanding and compassionate deity having started out as Mr. Polar Disorder Himself. The teachings coming out of this, the largest pantheon, have much wisdom in them. Pity none of its followers has ever applied them. Most modern ills can be traced back to someone misapplying one or another of its tenets, though, which would have horrified the poor dude on the cross. What do you mean what pantheon? You've got 3 Gods rolled up into one with that trinity thing, which isn't an original idea, by the way. Then you can tack on the Virgin Mary to make 4. And then go ahead and add the umpty-hundred Saints people pray to and you tell me if you don't have the biggest pantheon. And one of the saddest, too. These people rarely have sex. That explains the suffering pictured on their faces in most representations of them.

Allah: Dudes! Blowing yourselves up is not a religion! Please go back and read your holy books. Then come back and let's discuss!

Buddha: What can I say? Sometimes the right guy does get elected. His following seems to keep growing, too. Maybe there's hope for humanity yet. I don't follow his teachings, though I've read many of the relevant texts, from all branches. I wouldn't mind being a follower, but not just yet. There's still some chaos to be done and I'd hate to be a wishywashy Buddhist, so let me take care of stuff and I'll check back in a millennium or two, okay?

I'm done. Feel free to add more in the comments section if you really feel like it.

Well, big boo hoo!

Okay, enough is enough. I have to blog about the whole Iraqis Tortured by Americans thing that has taken over what passes for minds in the population's heads.

First off, let me say that I disapprove of what our soldiers did. I think everyone concerned disapproves of what they did. That having been said, let me start responding to the different groups that are sounding off as if this were the end of the frigging world. And I'll generalize here as time, and space, prevents me from addressing each individual person out there.

Dear Arabs: Give me a break here! You're outraged about this? Did you ever fucking concern yourself with all the Iraqis Saddam himself and his regime tortured and killed during the years they were in power? Who the hell do you think constructed the torture chambers in the prisons that we're currently using to house the prisoners? And while I agree that piling naked camel-humpers one atop another is distasteful to you, I have to counsel you to compare our version of torture with that used by Saddam. See if maybe one is worse than the other. See how many permanent scars might have been left by ours as compared to Saddam's. Let's go a step further, too. Let's look at all your individual countries and take a look at what passes for justice there. Then we can maybe sit down at the table and you can give us a few pointers on torture, since I'm sure that you'll quickly come to the conclusion that compared to your expertise and track record, we're but beginners!

Dear France: Sprechen sie Deutsche? Nein? Guess why not, assholes? That's right, because we pulled your nuts out of the fire back in WWII. When your whole country was busy kissing Kraut heinie, we were spilling our blood and guts all over Europe to get you out from under Jerry's boot. I don't mean that you should be grateful forever and ever, since this isn't a fairy tale, it's reality. But at least be honest about your "concerns". You don't give a fuck about the Iraqis, or about the U.N. or anything else you've trotted out as an excuse as to why you oppose Bush's intervention. It's all about those sweet contracts and covert deals you had with Saddam, isn't it? Well, you win some you lose some, Froggies. And consider this a preemptive post. I haven't seen you sound off about this torture thing, yet, but I'm sure it's either because I haven't been following all the news, or because you're simply just about to.

Dear Germany: What are we to do with you, huh? Don't even start giving us your opinion on torture, since you guys wrote the book on it. And the same thing that goes for France goes for you, too. You had those very same secret agreements and contracts and deals going on with Saddam, didn't you? Yes, we know. One last thing before I move on to the next group of whiners. Before you critique the U.S. on its policies and how we oppress anyone, remember that if we really had those designs, you'd be a colony of ours right now.

Dear Spain: Those elections. Disgraceful. You do know that if you give in to terrorists or blackmailers even once, then you'll be known forever as a 'soft touch', right? Anytime your policies are disliked by any extremist group, they'll know how to make you swerve you from your course. I feel for you, Spain, I really do. Hopefully, your balls will grow back soon. I'll wait. Give me a call when you feel your voice thickening again.

Dear Liberal America (c/o John Kerry): Where do I even start? You're complaining about our torture of Iraqis? That's a laugh coming from you, Senator. Didn't you, yourself, admit to torturing defenseless Vietnamese not too many decades ago? Yes, Senator, we still remember your comments back then. Your lies, really, seeing how you've been discredited so much since then. But that's just me, Senator. Why don't you correct me here. What are you, a liar or a torturer? Either way, what gives you the moral ground to critique anything? As for the rest of liberal America, your actions (not on this subject alone, but in general) would have been considered treasonous during braver periods of our history. You are lucky we live in such a watered down version of America that no one is actually trying to bring you to justice. That might change, though. Funny thing is, if you win the upcoming elections, by some really outlandish and improbable series of events, you'll just bring that day all the closer. Your best chance for saving yourselves lies in Bush winning. Fortunately for you, I don't see anything else happening.

Dear Mark Levin, Sean Hannity and the rest of you guys: Chill. Some of your comments are about as dangerous as the Liberals'. Especially you, Mark. Try to remember that there are always two sides to every story. The fact of the matter is we did torture those Iraqis, and it's okay to apologize for it. It's also true, as I note above, that we're still the best thing to ever happen to Iraq in a very long time, so I agree with you. But don't tar and feather anyone for wanting to apologize for what were, regardless of anything else, a disgraceful and regrettable set of incidents. I wish the other side would also have the balls to apologize for what they've done, not only to us, but to their own people. But you do have to tone it down. Some people will be turned off by your hate mongering and might actually vote Dem just because of it. And we don't want that to happen, do we? Don't do Kerry's job for him.

America in general: People, educate yourselves. Knowledge will set you free. You all flit from one cause celebre to the next, without ever taking the time to learn the history or understand the underlying reasons behind any event. And then you pretend to lecture the few of us who actually do take the time to research before opening our mouths. You are becoming stupider and stupider by the day. You still have the time to reverse this trend. Barely.

We are nearing the end of our firefighter training. The class I'm taking, at any rate. There are myriad more classes, some prequisites of others further advanced, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunities until I finally get tired of the whole thing. That'll be decades away, though. My interests are seldom short-lived once I really get into them. I either attach myself to something for only a week or two, or for decades and decades. No in between.

This past class was about the functioning of the Emergency Response Center. That's where all the 911 calls get routed for our area, and happens to be the same facility used for training, so we got a tour of the 911 room. In one corner we saw a phone with no dial or keypad, sitting under a glass dome.

In hushed, reverent tones, voices cracking, several of us asked at the same time, "Is that... Could that be... Sir, excuse me... Is that the... Batphone?"

Turns out it wasn't, or at least, the Director wouldn't admit to it. He said it connected to PEMA. I don't know whether to believe him, though. He wouldn't let me try it out.

A while before that, we were shown the different roles people (employees) have within the 911 Center, and they explained the hiring procedure. I need to ask what those jobs pay, by the way, as it is interesting work and smart people still have the advantage in that field. The Director was explaining that after you fill in your application, it gets reviewed, verified and lastly, your criminal history is pulled. Anything except a lily white record will nix your chances of getting the job.

One of my classmates asked, "Anything? I mean, even a misdemeanor? Even, say, something trivial like 'disorderly conduct'?"

I just had to jump in, saying, "Sir? And bear in mind, he's asking for a 'friend of his', not for himself!" We all had a good laugh, and, of course, the Director told him that his 'friend' had fucked up his chances of being an employee there at the ERC. But he could continue being a volunteer firefighter...

We've also covered, not just in this session, but throughout the past 2 or 3, some of the misconceptions the general public has about firefighters in particular, but really emergency response personnel in general. Some of those misconceptions were things I'd wondered about years ago, as they just didn't make any sense. Glad to know that my fellows aren't deluded. I'll let the public continue being deluded, though, so my apologies for not going into more detail on these misconceptions.

There's a couple more classes to get through, plus a test, and I'll officially 'graduate' as a certified firefighter. There's two more certifications I want to go for in the near future, Firefighter I and Firefighter II. One of the instructors told me that the first one was practically the same thing we'd covered in this course, so I should be able to just take the test whenever they hold it again. The second one is a lot more advanced and does require taking another course.

Next week we'll get our pictures taken for a plaque. I might or might not post that here. Stay tuned.

Well, I'll be damned. Now I've seen everything. A Christian Dating & Matchmaking Site. And here I thought all along that Christians upheld the sanctity of marriage and all that. Seems to me that if you uphold the sanctity of your lifelong union with someone else, you might want to be a little bit more particular on picking candidates than just by getting them off the internet. Regardless of their avowed beliefs. Oh, I forgot. No one on the internet lies, so this isn't a problem. If they say they're Christian, they must be.

Well, reviewing what I wrote at the beginning, I guess I haven't seen everything yet. I'm still waiting for Christian Porn sites, and maybe a Christian Gay one, or dare I even hope? A Christian Bestiality site. That latter one would make for an interesting Nativity/Manger video.

The news today was too good... I hate whiny crybabies, for one, so I can sympathize with the coach. I figure crybabies deserve whatever the shit they get. And I know exactly the type that the kid belongs to. There's a big difference between bitching and whining. It's an easy difference, too. You can bitch about something before and after, and this is okay, so long as during whatever it is, you focus on getting it done/resolved. Bitching can be an art form.

Whiny crybaby-ing, on the other hand, is what useless idiots do instead of taking care of the matter at hand. It's designed as camouflage to cover up how incompetent and useless the crybaby is. Crybabies should be exposed, humiliated and made to hurt. Not just for amusement, either, but because some of them can be saved, if they but understand what it is they're doing.

Back to the news today, which I've yet to talk about... A father in NJ (the state where anything can happen) has complained against his child's coach for having given his whiny child a 'crybaby' award at a school banquet. The coach made sure the kid attended, and then called him up to the stage, explaining that he'd begged to be put into a basketball game, and when actually put into it, had done nothing but whine. The school board is apparently considering disciplinary action against the coach. This happened at Pleasantville Middle School, so even though the article does not have the child's name, it's just a matter of time before it gets leaked.

I can imagine the crybaby's conversation with his dad...

Crybaby: Dad! They gave me a crybaby award! Now everyone at school's going to make fun of me!
Dad: How dare they! I'll take care of it.
.
.
...Time passes...
.
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Dad: There, son! I've whined and complained and made sure the coach is disciplined.
Crybaby: Gee, thanks, Dad! Now I'm not going to be made fun at in the school alone, but throughout town, the state and, heck, even the whole world, thanks to the publicity! About the only good thing is that it'll be clear to everyone from which side of the family I get my whininess...

Seriously, folks, especially here in the U.S., get over yourselves! Life isn't meant to be easy, it's meant to be tough and make us stronger. All you whiners expect everything to be easy to attain, and life just doesn't work that way. Try striving for things instead of complaining all the time. Doing something and complaining instead of doing it take about the same effort, when all's said and done. The former will get you better results, though.

Do feel free to bitch both before and after doing shit, like the rest of us do. Just don't expect anyone to do a lot about it.

I spent over 16 hours this weekend engaged in practical firefighter training. I'm still sort of amazed I made it through the whole thing, too. Amazed and proud of myself, all at once. There were several hilarious moments during the exercises, of which I'll chronicle just two here, for the benefit of generations yet to come...

One of my teammates is a very stocky 17-year old kid, whom we'll call Justin for the sake of this story. For weeks we've been getting classes on how to carry, deploy and climb ladders. We've even had an exercise or two of setting them up and climbing to second floor windows and such. The trickiest ones, though, are devices called roof ladders, which are nothing more than a short ladder with hooks on one end designed to latch on to the angle on the top of a roof. Not really tricky, more daunting, until you get used to doing that sort of stuff. During a real fire, you don't want to stand directly on a roof as you don't know if it's been compromised by the fire or not. The roof ladder will give you a better guarantee of the roof holding your weight, not to mention the fact that most roofs are slipperier than shit on shinola.

Now, the exercise we needed to carry out this past weekend involved 4-man teams. 2 of us setting up the 24-foot extention ladder up to the edge of the roof, and the other 2 of us climbing up this first ladder while at the same time carrying up a roof ladder between us. Then we were to set up the roof ladder properly and climb on to it, let go of the first ladder, and reach the tip of the roof. My buddy Justin whispered to me once the exercise had been explained that he wasn't all that clear on how to do stuff, and that we should pay attention to the first group in order to get through it better. I just nodded at him.

Then the instructor asked who wanted to go up first. I raised my hand, grabbed Justin's shoulder, and said, "We'll go!". The look on Justin's face was priceless. Wide-eyed, he looked straight at me and whispered, "You stupid, stupid, son of a bitch..."

We completed the exercise flawlessly, too. But even had we fallen and died, it would have been worth it, just to have seen the expression on his face when I 'volunteered' us.

The second incident was even better. There's a team in that class composed of absolute fuck-ups. I'm serious. I'm glad I don't live in their township, and I'm glad they live far enough away that there's no chance in hell of my station being called out to assist them, or vice versa. I'm sure they'll die the first time they're in a real situation, and probably take along some good people with them, too. They've done the stupidest things possible throughout the training, and this weekend was no exception.

The last thing we did was to practice hooking up hose to a hydrant, that to a pump truck, and from there to your regular attack lines. You get some really good pressure going on there, but thankfully for the screwups, we don't use anything around here with really gonzo pressure. The lines we do use, though, require one man holding on to the nozzle, and a second man pushing into him, cause the pressure can move you back if you're not being held up. We all did our stuff flawlessly, and then only one group was left, the idiots. I wasn't looking at it when it happened, but either the nozzle guy let go of the nozzle, or the support guy failed to support him properly. Knowing them, probably both things happened. Anyway, the guy in front let the nozzle spin and the stream hit the man supporting him straight in the face. The pressure sent his helmet flying, and luckily for him, his head didn't follow.

I hadn't laughed so hard in years. We all lost it. The instructor chewed them out for a long time. I wish someone had been filming that.

After this weekend's exercises at the Fire Ground I was really beat. I made it to my Budo Training anyway, and did very well on that. I'm becoming as tough and dangerous as I usually only thought I was.